Why do people marry?

Why do people marry?

The last fortnight has been a great time for dance, music, feasts, laughter and reliving old memories. You see, there were two mega weddings in the family! Participating in these, enjoying every bit of it, I got a funny thought. Why do people marry? I am happily married, silver jubilee fast approaching, with two fine children; yet the thought was strange.

Invariably, when someone is eligible to get married and looking for the right partner and the right moment to tie the knot; we have habit of ‘advising’ them, that marriage is indeed the right thing to do; it makes one complete. The poor guy or girl, sincerely wanting to enter matrimony, takes our ‘advise’ seriously. As soon as the “candidate” is away from earshot we say “when you are single, you are incomplete; but when you marry, you are FINISHED”

The philosophical way of explaining the creation of the world is that “God created the world and called it the Garden of Eden. Into that garden he sent Adam, who was meant to be the pinnacle of his creation. He found Adam wandering and lost in the garden and then realized that the poor guy felt incomplete. So he sent Eve to join him. Now God felt happy, Ah! My man is complete now with his woman, he exclaimed” From that free garden, the man and his woman roamed, enjoyed, procreated and multiplied. We all owe our origins to that Garden, where Mr Adam and Ms Eve, first landed!!

But man (woman included) is a funny creature. He felt the need to institutionalize this relationship; therefore he created an association called “marriage” because it was a democratic thing to do. And God, because he had abdicated his responsibility to this man/woman combine, left them to fend this battle themselves. Since that day, every man or woman who has married, goads, encourages, analyses and justifies the need for others to marry. The “candidates” of their encouragement tie the sacred knot; only to end up doing the same for their successors and this way the great institution is kept active and dynamic. And whenever the wedded ones turn to God for an answer to their mutual disagreements, God only looks down and winks at them saying; “I only gave you the garden, why did you make it an institution!!!!!!!!!!!!!”.

In the western society (now even in India), “live-in” relationships are pretty common. The partners, probably wary of entering into a commitment, decide to live together, to test their minds. Once their choice is firmed in their minds, some of them decide to formalize it. In the west, we have heard of many couples actually marrying after child-birth. Obviously therefore, the emotional or mental quotient that decides marriage is “commitment and compatibility”. Couples, who find themselves emotionally or intellectually compatible, choosing to spend the better parts of their future lives together, decide to institutionalize the relationship for posterity.  To enable that happening, the society, including parents, relatives, friends etc are made witnesses, and in turn they bless and wish the couple well. Thus this institution, which provides feasts, celebration, merry-making for others, is kept vibrant and relevant, atleast in the Indian context.

There are of course those who choose to remain single. They are not the subject for this article. They can read the opinions that are obviously going to fly across, once this article is posted. Happy reading!

Prem & Om

Suresh

Wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wake up!!!!!!!!!!!

Many of us have grown up listening to Mohd Rafi songs. One of Goswami Tulsidas’ compositions, which was rendered into a melodious but melancholic number by Rafi has the following lyrics: -

उठ जाग मुसाफिर भोंर भई, अब रैन कहाँ जो सोवत है, जो जागत है सो पावत है, जो सोवत है वह खोवत है !

तुक नींद से अँखियाँ खोल ज़रा, ओह गाफिल रब से ध्यान लगा, यह प्रीत करण  की रीत नहीं, रब जागत है तू सोवत है!!

जो काल करें सो आज कर ले, जब चिड़िया खेत चुग डाली, फिर पछताए क्या होवत है, उठ जाग मुसाफिर भोर भइ!!!

The verses are poignant in that the poet is exhorting us to “wake up” from our present situation of “ignorance” and come into the “knowledge” of our Higher Self. Different languages and different religions have named “God” differently. Urdu invariably uses the word “Rab” to identify Him. Wonder really, what’s in the name, because He is the Real One. How does it matter, by what name we call HIM.

We are all “travelers” in this world, having come into this mortal plane for fulfilling certain “vasanas” and grow within ourselves before departing; only to return again for continuing this journey. This constant coming and going will continue till we have realized the true knowledge about our Inner Self, which when fully realized, there is no more any need to return for a fresh journey in this world. But so long as we are travelers here, we need to be ever awake to realize the True Knowledge of the Lord of our Hearts, Lord Jagadeeshwara.

As Tulsidasji says, “Hey traveler, wake up, it is already dawn, where is the time now available for sleeping. The one who is awake, gains and the one who sleeps, loses”. If we try to understand his true meaning; the journey that we have come into, is a short one. We assume that this life is very long, but really speaking this life is but a small dot in a long and constant coming and going process. And for such a short journey, if we don’t spare enough time for realizing His true nature, we are literally asleep to the reality of life.

Continuing, Tulsidasji says “You open your eyes from your sleep and devote your attention on the Lord; for this is no way of Love that the Lord is Awake and you are asleep”. If we introspect on this verse, the poet says, shift your attention from the day-to-day and mundane wants, likes, dislikes, passion, anger, fear and anxiety driven desires and transfer it towards the Lord, who is your Inner Being; who is your Consciousness and guiding you always. This Consciousness is always Awake (meaning it is nothing but the life spark in us) whereas, we in our ignorance, claiming to love Him, we are always asleep. Metaphorically, we always seem to spend a little time in prayer every day. But we need to introspect and answer to ourselves, are we Awake in Prayer. We always pray while desiring for something. How many of us can claim that when we pray, we offer all our desires, feelings, emotions, thoughts, possessions and everything else, at His Feet. We claim to be praying, but really, most of us are only begging; to give something, to get rid of something, to get some happiness, to protect someone whom we love etc etc. In each of these interactions with the Lord, we are “asking” Him to do something. But real prayer will happen only when we turn internally, within ourselves, and allow Him to dwell in our Hearts, where He really belongs!!

Lastly, Tulsi says, it is never too late. If we believe in His True Nature and want to shift our focus, we can begin NOW, no matter where we are and what our life situation is. It is better to start now than regret later. He asks us to act on the determination of our Hearts, for there is no use regretting tomorrow after the birds have ruined the crops. So wake up Oh Traveler, It is Dawn.

Let us invoke these sentiments in our Hearts and start in right earnest, before “Sunset”, i.e. before depart from this mortal plane.

Prem & Om

Suresh